Inspiration

Inspiration. 

 I think these women are completely gorgeous. They are curvy, but pretty toned and just exude confidence. This is the reason why I'm not going to focus so much on how much weight I'm losing- I'm sure these women would have unhealthy BMI's, but they look healthy to me. They look amazing- toned, but still padded in the desirable areas, and even some extra in the tummy and thighs. I want that! They look like WOMEN in my opinion. Beautiful confident women. 

This is what I want for myself. I want to lose the lumps and feel confident in a cute tight shirt or tank top. I want to wear body cli ging clothes without looking like a can of biscuits that just exploded. Don't worry, I'm not that harsh on myself, really. I just tend to wear clothes that skim over the curves instead of hugging them- keeping things looser in the stomach area. I never really wear shorts that hit above the knee- mostly because any shorts that fit well in the legs are likely to be a little/lot tight in the waist and hips. Similarly, most shorts, jeans, pants, etc that fit well in the waist are likely to be baggy in the thighs and right under the butt. How irritating is that?! I actually recently found a pair of Silver jeans from highschool that are pretty stretchy, and I can get them pulled all the way up, I just can't button them. That was a nice surprise. I know I have a long ways to go and a lot of work to put in, but little surprises like that are only going to fuel my journey. 

Snacks

So far, so good on my eating healthy challenge- I went to Coborns and bought a BUNCH of salad stuff and other fruits and veggies, some cottage cheese, eggs, and just stuff I can make for healthy meals. I've been trying to stay right around 1,800 calories for the day, which might not seem like a small number, but compared to what I'd been eating without really realizing it, it's a pretty big drop. I've been entering my meals on myfitnesspal.com (you can check it all out here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/NicolleLindgren) and just looking really closely at the nutritional facts of everything I put in my body.

I had NO idea how small the portion sizes of some of the things I'd been eating were. I JUST went grocery shopping last weekend and got a bunch of snacky stuff, but I only got one bag of chips and the rest of if was crackers- which I thought were a better choice. Turns out, the Ritz Roasted Vegetable crackers (which I thought were a healthy pick) had a serving size of only *5* crackers! Uhh.. pretty sure I could eat like half a tube.

Right now, I'm going to portion out a serving size of every snack food I have in my house and see how big it is and what the nutritional content is.

Ritz Roasted Vegetable Crackers.

Serving Size: 5 crackers
Calories: 80 (35 from fat)
Fat: 3.5g
Sodium 150mg
Total Carbohydrates: 10g

 Wheat Thins

Serving Size: 16 crackers
Calories: 140 (45 from fat)
Fat: 5g
Sodium: 230mg
Total Carbohydrates: 22g

 Cheez-its

Serving Size: 29 crackers
Calories: 140 (45 from fat)
Fat: 5g
Sodium: 180mg
Total Carbohydrates: 20g

 Chester's Puffcorn

Serving Size: 46 puffs
Calories: 160 (100 from fat)
Fat: 11g
Sodium: 290mg
Total Carbohydrates: 14g

 Doritos Nacho Cheese

Serving Size: 11 chips
Calories: 140 (70 from fat)
Fat: 8g
Sodium: 210mg
Total Carbohydrates: 16g

 Spiderman Graham Bites

Serving Size: 1 pouch - 8 pieces
Calories: 130 (35 from fat)
Fat: 4g
Sodium: 115mg
Total Carbohydrates: 21g

 Little Debbie Little Chocolate Chip Muffins

Serving Size: 1 pouch- 4 muffins
Calories: 190 (80 from fat)
Fat: 9g
Sodium: 150mg
Total Carbohydrates: 26g

 Spongebob Fruit Snacks

Serving Size: 1 pouch - 7 fruit snacks
Calories: 80 (0 from fat)
Fat: 0g
Sodium: 30mg
Total Carbohydrates: 19g

Musselman's Applesauce

Serving Size: 4oz
Calories: 90 (0 from fat)
Fat: 0g
Sodium: 10mg
Total Carbohydrates: 20g



All in all, definitely smaller portion sizes than I'd usually eat for a lot of them- the bowl in the picture is pretty small, I'd say that about a cup and a half of liquid would fill it up. I was also surprised that I could eat that much Puffcorn for one serving- pretty exciting for me, since I tend to crave something crunchy/salty/cheesy when I'm trying to eat healthy.

Obvioulsy, none of these choices are the best options- I could pick fruit or veggies if I wanted to be really healthy. BUT, the only way this whole weightloss thing is going to work is if I don't hate everything I eat, so I'm just going to use them as rewards for the work I'm putting in here and there :) Just knowing what a proper serving is and what that serving holds calorie-wise will really help me stay on track and make better decisions!

Later (tomorrow, maybe), I'll make another post with some really healthy snacks/recipes I've tried recently. Stay tuned!

Shield your eyes!

Warning.. the following images are not pretty. However, I'm hoping that putting it all out there for everyone to see will be motivation to work hard and reach my goals. Took these just now, and it's really hard to post them. I generally avoid full-body pictures of myself, not to mention I try to keep my rolls covered up at all times. But, this is who I am. I don't know how much I weigh, I'd estimate somewhere around 250-260ish. I'm 5'9", which would put my BMI at 38.4. Ouch.

According to WebMD, my healthy weight range is in between 125-169. When I was a senior in HS, I was around 160-170 (although I have grown a little over an inch since then). I'd say that's probably my ideal weight. I still had a little belly, boobs and a butt. Perfect. If I get too skinny, I look gross. So that means I have right around 100lbs (give or take) to lose. A big number, but like I said.. I'm not that concerned about the number. I just want to get to a size/shape/weight that I feel confident at and allows me to be more active.

I want to slim out my upper thighs, hips and neck, and get rid of the belly overhang that I never got rid of after Grant was born. Getting rid of that back roll around my ribs would be cool too, but I'm never showing skin that high up anyway, so I'm less concerned about that. I don't know if it's possible, but I also want to lose weight in my fingers. Like I've said, I have a large bone structure, so even when I was skinny, I wore around an 8 or 9 ring, but I think I'm at a 10-10.5 now. My neck/chin area also makes necklaces not fit/sit right. I wear 18-20 jeans, and size 2 or 3 in Maurices size shirts. I'm hoping that while I lose all this, I don't lose ALL my boobs. I'd say I'm somewhere around an E/F right now (I haven't bought a bra since DDD a year or so ago), so I can lose a decent amount of boob, but they've always been large for my size, and I don't want them to disappear.

Thank you Jennifer Weiner.

The other day, I read a really good book (go figure, right?). It's Jennifer Weiner's Best Friends Forever. The story itself was really good, and I found that I really related with the main character in a lot of ways. She had been extremely overweight for a large part of her life and kept making excuses for the habits that kept her there. She would eat really well all day and work out, but at night when nobody was around, she would binge on snacks. She kept saying that she'd stop tomorrow, but it wouldn't happen. Finally, it got to a point where a kid pointed it out in a very brutally honest way. She decided that enough was enough and she threw out all of the junk in her house and got a gym membership. It took time and hard work, but she ended up losing a couple hundred pounds.

I've been wanting to lose weight for the past several years- I even gave it a really good effort a few times. So often, I'd think "Tomorrow. I'll start eating better and walking daily. Maybe I'll get a gym membership." I'd even go out and buy a bunch of healthy food and some new workout clothes. I'd get super pumped up and do really well for a day or so. Then I'd be out running some errands and have a couple dollars and little time left for lunch, so I'd have to stop and get a McDouble. Or I'd get sick. Or my knees would hurt so bad from running that I couldn't even walk without wanting to cry. Or I just simply realized that I hated the taste of healthy food. I start by taking a couple bites of Grant's mac and cheese- I mean, if it's not an actual serving, I don't have a way to track the calories, right? I'd go out for dinner and have the mindset that I'd be enjoying a salad or other low-calorie option. But then I'd get there and someone would HAVE to order an appetizer, or I'd see the picture of the nice juicy bacon cheeseburger, and suddenly the salad that sounded so good before we got there would look like woodchips.

It turns out that I don't have the best self control or motivation. I get distracted really easily. I get really good ideas in my head, but as soon as the struggle seems too big to handle, I quit. Sometimes I even convince myself that my excuses are valid (my knees being too sore, etc). I'd tell myself that I'd get back on track tomorrow, but then I'd say the same thing the next day.

Here's a list of my favorite/most commonly used excuses. I'm going to try to work through them as well as someone who can hold me accountable and cut through my BS.

1) I'm too tired.
2) I'm too busy.
3) I don't have good shoes for working out in.
4) My knees hurt.
5) I hate the taste of fat-free/ low cal foods.
6) There's a lot of veggies I don't like.
7) Healthy foods are so expensive!
8) I hate working out where people can see me.
9) I hate working out by myself.
10) I hate getting all sweaty and gross.
11) I don't have money to go to the gym.
12) It's so boring.
13) I hate running.
14) I can't work out with Grant here.
15) It's too hot/cold/rainy/whatever.
16) I'm too big to exercise comfortably.
17) I'm hungry all the time.

Well, here goes..

So, I've tried the blogging thing in the past- always with great intentions of posting interesting, witty things daily (I mean, come on.. I'm hilarious).. it usually lasts all of 4 posts. Then I get bored. Or distracted. Or I realize that my life simply isn't interesting enough to post about for the world to see. With that said, I am going to try again, but I'm going to be trying something completely differently.

I am starting a weight-loss/get fit challenge. I'm calling it my Scale-Free Weight Loss Challenge. I'm going scale-free for two main reasons: 1) I'm more focused on getting healthy and in shape than a number on a scale (more on the reasoning behind that later), and 2) I don't have a scale.

I used to be skinny- like.. gangly, stick thin. I have a large bone structure, so the combination left me looking a little awkward, IMO. I don't want to get that thin again. I want curves.. boobs, a butt, a little meat on my bones. I'm not worried about a little tummy. But I want to be able to fit in normal clothes again. I want to have the confidence to dance in front of people (but ONLY if I'm drinking.. I'm a terrible dancer). I want to be able to chase Grant and Opie around the yard without needing to stop and catch my breath. I just want to be a better me.

I haven't decided if I'm going to make this blog public or not yet (yes, this kind of defeats the purpose of writing a blog in the first place), simply because I haven't completely come to terms with putting my fat-ness out publicly. I think most people can relate to this in some way or another- only taking pictures from certain angles or head shots only, not wanting to be standing right next to the skinniest friend in pictures, not wanting to wear stripes or certain colors/patterns because it might make you look bigger, etc. Anyway, my plan is to take regular pictures of my progress, probably showing my bare belly, because I want to come to terms with what I'm working with and where I want to be. In the same way that I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini, I don't think I'm ready to put everything out there for anyone to see.

But who knows? I kind of like the idea of putting it out there too, and having people hold me accountable for my progress in reaching my goals. It'd be a huge step, but it could be really good for me. We'll see :)